Valentine Lessons from a Little Brother Filmmaker
February 13, 2012 by Nicoleedits
The idea of making a conscious effort to spend Valentine's Day as a Single Family Friend came along while filming a recent chapter of a documentary series focused on the emotional well-being of young Black males. I, along with filmmaker Jasmin Tiggett, produce a 10-part anthology of short documentaries called "Little Brother." These fifteen-minute films, released annually, feature young Black men and their thoughts on Love. We visit different areas of the country and take a look into the emotional lives of boys nine to thirteen years old—as they transition from child to teenager. What lessons about Love have they been exposed to and which ones are they taking with them as they become more involved in family responsibilities, explore new friendships and start to date?
While filming the second chapter of the series in Chicago, Little Brother: The Street, the issue of the young men having to witness the occasional argument between their parents came up. No matter how often a disagreement would occur, the young men admitted that hearing any kind of discontentment between the two people they depend on the most greatly affects their mood. A wonderful moment in the film is when five young men offer coping mechanisms when this inevitable situation occurs. Closing the bedroom door (and locking it), putting headphones on, and possibly even listening in to hear what exactly the argument is about may actually help them deal. When screening this film in front of a room full of parents, we witnessed members of the audience reflect on improving their parenting skills by simply paying attention to how tuned in their children actually are. As the filmmaker it was a lot for me to take in. While listening to the audience confess to harboring room for improvement, all I could think about was how the parents themselves need a break. How could I do my part to help?
As I interviewed the young men in the film who were so honest with their concern for their parents, I realized I was too new to the scene to be a true Single Family Friend to Jeremiah, Ji'Dai, Kiilu, Adonnis and Anthony. I wanted to say: "Let's talk and take this load off of your mind. Is there anything you don't feel your parents understand that maybe you would like for me to talk to them about for you? How are your friends treating you?" A number of young people don't respond well to too much probing. But a little anecdote often gets them to open up. Sharing stories from younger days may seem a little corny at first, but oftentimes to the young person on the receiving end, the storytelling means so much more. What matters is that there is an adult present with whom they feel safe.
In Viktor Frankl's celebrated book Man's Search for Meaning we learn that even living through the worst horror that man can afflict on another, the human spirit is not completely broken. Small acts of kindness still make it to the surface. Frankl believes that in order to have meaning to our lives, we have to feel that we have a purpose in life. Being there for one another gives meaning to our lives, and striving for the meaning is, according to Frankl, "the primary motivational force in man."
On this Valentine’s Day, as a filmmaker and a Single Family Friend, donating my time to those who need me most, is much better than spending Valentine's Day as someone who is not needed at all.
